Joe Stead – The Ramblings of an old Codger – Volume 90 - March 2009

Look at this!

It’s hard at times to feel sorry for somebody worth over 800 million smackers, but I actually feel sorry for Paul McCartney. Mind you he made his own bed. But I cannot see, I totally fail to understand, why the one legged vampire who tricked him into a partnership she almost certainly decided to scupper before even the knot was tied can claim she is worth 50 of them. I sometimes wonder what I would do if just one million pounds suddenly fell into my lap. Some of you may remember that I got down to the last two for the part of Captain Birdseye in the fish finger advert. In total it was eventually worth approximately one hundred and fifty thousand pounds plus a fortnight in the Caribbean. I always thought that one hundred and fifty thousand pounds would probably set me up for the rest of my life. If invested it could bring me in a steady 500 pounds a month and still be there as a lump sum ten years later. I don’t think I would know what to do with one million. Well I’d give some to the kids obviously, and I’d probably move home – although I’m reasonably happy where I am. But 50 million quid! What has our Heather done to be worth that? Is Paul as tight as a sparrow’s backside? I don’t think I could sleep nights looking at the misery going on around the world knowing that I had eight hundred million pounds stashed away in banks from here to New Zealand and back. But that’s his business. So in my opinion he can lose fifty million and not really even notice it. But why should he when it is obvious that he has been tricked into this situation in the first place? I have to say I have no sympathy for her at all and the continual bleating noises she makes about the injustice of it is starting to annoy me. Of course she might turn around at the end of the day and give 49 million to the RNLI. But somehow I doubt it. It would be nice if she did. It would be even better if Paul did.

Many women have slept their way to a fortune and many if not more men have taken advantage of the foolish women who have been influenced by men with power and glory. There is something about a man with power that rings bells in ladies loins; George Best, Rod Stewart are prime examples, and every weekend somewhere there is a lady sleeping with an entire soccer team all at the same time! I know of a BBC television producer who frequently asks young female walk-ons to dinner; and I guess that some of them have moved on to the hotel bedroom afterwards with a hope of stardom round the corner. Eva Peron managed to sleep her way from the backyard of a country slum dwelling (her mother was a whore), through various entertainers and television producers until she enticed the future president of Argentina to give up his 13 year old mistress for her. It didn’t do her so much good in the end, she died in her early thirties in agony with cancer whilst her husband was back at work with another 13 year old in a different wing of the palace.

Meanwhile across the pond America is gearing up for a new president. Probably, if you have an ounce of common sense, you are praying the new president will either be female or black! I sincerely hope the Republicans lose this one and I doubt if there are many English people who feel different. Whilst the leading republican light looks to have a quota of intelligence this time, which is considerably more than you can say for the present incumbent, a Republican led America frightens me.

Seen enough loonies lately?

Now look at this

Joint Fixture List for Kimber’s Men and Joe Stead.

Mar 1st (KM) The Stirk Bridge Hotel, Sowerby Bridge.
Mar 6th (KM) The Kings Head, Huddersfield
Mar 9th (KM) The Royal Oak, Werneth, Oldham. 3pm
Apr 3rd (Joe) Bishop Stortford Folk Club, All Saints Church Hall, Bishop Stortford.
Apr 6th (Joe) Walthamstow Folk Club, The Plough Inn, Walthamstow. (Robeson lecture)
Apr 15th (Joe) Huddersfield Probus Club
Apr 17th (Joe) Lee Mount Primary School, Halifax.
Apr 18th (KM) St Michael’s Church, Shelf, Halifax.
Apr 20th (KM) The Works, Sowerby Bridge. 6pm
Apr 26th (KM) Halifax Playhouse Theatre – recording ‘live’ album.
May 9th (KM) Clennell Hall Folk Festival, Alwinton, Northumberland.
May 10th (KM) Clennell Hall Folk Festival, Alwinton, Northumberland.
May 11th (KM) Clennell Hall Folk Festival, Alwinton, Northumberland.
May 14th (Joe) North Bradford Retired Men’s Forum - Life + Times Paul Robeson
May 15th (Joe) Bramley History Society, Bramley, Leeds. - Life + Times Paul Robeson
Jun 13th (KM) Falmouth Festival of the Sea
Jun 14th (KM) Falmouth Festival of the Sea
Jun 15th (KM) Falmouth Festival of the Sea
Jul 4th (KM) Cleckheaton Folk Festival
Jul 5th (KM) Cleckheaton Folk Festival
Jul 6th (KM) Cleckheaton Folk Festival
Jul 10th (KM) Darlington Arts Centre
Jul 16th (Joe) Harrogate Soroptimist Club, White Hart Hotel, Cold Bath Road, Harrogate.
Jul 17th (KM) Gregson Lane Folk Club, Village of Gregson Lane, Preston.
Aug 22nd (KM) Shrewsbury Folk Festival
Aug 23rd (KM) Shrewsbury Folk Festival
Aug 24th (KM) Shrewsbury Folk Festival
Aug 25th (KM) Shrewsbury Folk Festival
Sep 5th (KM) Swanage Folk Festival
Sep 6th (KM) Swanage Folk Festival
Sep 7th (KM) Swanage Folk Festival
Sep 8th (Joe) Leeds North East Probus Club, Oakwood – Valparaiso round the Horn
Sep 9th (Joe) Falmouth Tall Ships Festival – Provisional
Sep 10th (Joe) Falmouth Tall Ships Festival – Provisional
Sep 11th (Joe) Falmouth Tall Ships Festival – Provisional
Sep 12th (Joe) Falmouth Tall Ships Festival – Provisional
Sep 13th (KM) Falmouth Tall Ships Festival – Provisional
Jan 9th (KM) Sixmilebridge Winter Festival, County Clare
Jan 10th (KM) Sixmilebridge Winter Festival, County Clare
Jan 11th (KM) Sixmilebridge Winter Festival, County Clare
Feb 7th (KM) Square Chapel Theatre, Halifax.
Feb 26th (Joe) Chapel Hill, North Carolina. US
Feb 27th (Joe) Pickers Supply Concert Hall, Fredericksburg, Virginia, US.
Feb 28th (Joe) Washington Folk Song Society. US
Mar 1st (Joe) South Street Seaport Museum, New York. US.
Mar 7th (Joe) Philadelphia Folk Song Society. US.
Mar 10th (Joe) Montgomery College, Bluebell Hill, Philadelphia US (Lunch time).
Mar 10th (Joe) The Mermaid Inn, Winston Road, German Town, Philadelphia. US
Mar 15th (Joe) House Concert, Boston, Ma. US
Mar 16th (Joe) The Cantab Lounge, 738 Massachusetts Ave, Cambridge, Boston, Ma. US
Mar 17th (Joe) Cameron’s, Elm Street and Main, Gloucester, Ma. US
Oct 25th (KM) Scrag End Folk Club, Shoulder of Mutton, Oakthorpe, Leicestershire
Sep 25th (KM) The Castle Inn, Combe Martin, High Street, North Devon.


It is really only Pete Seeger’s business, whether he should or should not continue to sing.
If he feels like singing and he feels he has something worthwhile to say, then he should continue. It would be a sad day, when people are discouraged from singing because someone else thinks they are too old or not as good as they used to be.
Dick Miles

Hi Joe,
Three things following your latest ramblings.
We might be opening a stormy debate, I agree with you over the Pete Seeger thing, I believe some of the people he has influenced should get together and do a tribute album. The money could be donated to some appropriate charity, but at Pete’s age he has nothing left to prove, he’s done all of that years ago.
I am probably one of the greatest Dubliners fans ever born, but I listen to the last album featuring Luke Kelly live, and just wish he hadn’t done that one.
The You tube thing was enjoyable, I particularly liked the bit where the lady goes behind the sofa for a good rummage. It transpires later in the clip that she has gone looking for her bodhran. On a personal note I think the clip is adequate warning that once we reach a certain age we should leave shorts out of our wardrobe. I am surprised the nurse let you out looking like that.
The Yorkshire Lamb review could be added to each month, someone else could write about their area’s pub meals. In the words of Arlo Guthrie, “Hey we could start a movement”
By the way I went to Dublin in early January to do family research, within 2 hours of my arrival I fell over and broke my arm, I spent two days in hospital. The good thing that came from the Dublin trip was the CD store at the airport had two Christie Hennessy CD’s, so in order to celebrate his life I actually paid for two CD’s
Great to read the rambles again.
Tim Justice

Dear Joe,
Your report on your local restaurants visited with your Mum makes good reading but is a waste of Ramblings space. I will never be able to visit these hostelries or for that matter even most of my local ones. Would you like a report on the food in my Victory Services Club in the West End or The Maids Head Wicken or even The Wonderful Old Fire Station House in Ely ? Of course not. I am pleased that you have some good local places to eat. So do we but we keep our secrets well here so that they remain good.
Eric Cowell

Hi Joe,
Always great to hear from you. The Mingulay boat song was definitely brilliant in my opinion, please try to put more on UTube for us far off fans.
All well with me, I have moved to Madrid for a few months and am teaching English. I was very interested to read your Sunday lunch reviews, I just prepared a list myself (well I lifted it from Time Out really,) of some London Sunday lunch venues and attach them. I did this for one of my students but perhaps they will be of interest should anybody find themselves passing the weekend in my own hometown.
The one I would recommend is "The Gun," a pub you have perhaps visited yourself. Apart from offering some good fare, there is the chance to walk around the Docklands on a Sunday, when the office workers have all gone home and a strange peace descends. They didn't save enough of the old docks for me, but I'm from a docker’s family and would feel like that I suppose. But you can still find traces and feel the spirit of a magnificent maritime past. The contrast between old and new is striking as well.
Keep happy mate,
John Hartnett

Hi Joe
You're looking well, just seen the youtube clip; looked and sounded good.
I remember your front room, tho' I can't say I remembered your legs!
I see you're at Swanage this year, see you there.
Keep the Ramblings coming I enjoy them.
David Mansell

Since you're scrolling around Youtube, look for Oscar Brand. They're showing a purloined film of OB's Canadian TV show where Van Ronk and the Chapin family are watching me singing a ballad with Joanie Anderson (Mitchell) harmonizing.
Oscar Brand.

A late response is better than no response I suppose - I have seen the bridge lowering clip before - it's been used for several years in Marine Training to identify the fact that no matter how hard ship's staff might try, there are always going to be things that go wrong - Apparently the Bridge was being lowered instead of being raised.
I am back to sea again tomorrow and expect to be home in early April (About the 9th) - Keep the newletters coming!
John Skrine – New Zealand.


A man owned a small farm in the south west of WA.
The Department of Consumer & Employment Protection heard that he was not paying proper wages to his employees and sent an agent down to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
"Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years.
I pay him $400 a week plus free room and board.
The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $450 per week plus free room and board.
Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to - the half-wit," says the agent.
"That would be me," replied the farmer.


A man walks into the local Job Centre, marches straight up to the counter and says, "Hi... You know, I just HATE drawing benefits. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter says, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful nymphomaniac daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his Mercedes, but he'll supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided.
You'll be expected to escort her on her overseas holiday trips.
You will have to satisfy her sexual urges.
You'll be provided a two-bedroom apartment above the garage. The starting Salary is £200,000 a year."
The guy, wide-eyed, says, "You're bullsh*tting' me!"
The Social Worker says, "Yeah, well... You started it."



The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack
It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said: 'Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off.'
'Could you jack off?' she says. 'I feel like shit...'

Keep smiling, keep singing.

Joe Stead